Sometimes I think to myself: “well, I may not have succeeded in what I hoped to, but I will just hold on until I can retire and it will be what it will be”
This resignation is not usually a good thing when it comes to ministers dealing with their disappointments and disillusionment in ministry.
I think though, that I am not alone in these thoughts.
I went into ministry with high hopes, lofty dreams, positivity and a desire to save the world! It didn’t take long for a hard case of reality to hit me as I dealt with broken people, carnal Christians, divided churches and unrealistic expectations.
But somewhere along the way, God also started working in my heart and mind to show we what really mattered. I am a long way from where I believe God is ultimately bringing me but so far this is what He has been revealing to me (and in / through these things, I have hope):
- The opportunity to talk with people about the salvation Jesus offers is exhilarating, fulfilling and a primary reason I entered ministry
- When people come under conviction, have an “aha” moment, confess/repent/release and finally receive the saving and sanctifying grace of Jesus, that makes every other moment of suffering worth it
- If everything had gone according to my immature (and often worldly) hopes and dreams, the ministries would have been weak (at best) and my heart would have been shallow
- Through the pain of suffering, failure, rejection, slander/gossip, and unmet hopes/dreams/expectations God has helped me to look deeper, cry out more and cling more desperately to His promises
- Because I still have yet to see all that God has done (or is doing) in the places I have served, I have yet to be able to fully celebrate what God has accomplished through my meager (and often misguided) efforts. But, I will cling to the belief that God is making something beautiful, in His timing, from the ashes, and somehow He has used even my weakness and lack, to show forth His strength and provision to impact far more people than I even know
So, if you also know the bitter taste of ministry, I hope and pray you will also take the time to patiently savor the goodness and sweetness of God who is working in spite of all the stuff and one day will present, holy and blameless and without spot or wrinkle, you, me and even those crazy, wonderful, maddening people we have been trying to shepherd.
Pastor Michael Johnson 