There is not a day that goes by in your life or mine that we don’t encounter a situation where someone expects something of us. Our kids expect us to feed them and love them, our bosses expect us to show up and accomplish the work, our spouses expect us to be loving and available and so on and so forth. Though many difficulties in life arise from these on-going personal and professional expectations, often the expectations that can be the most devastating and entangling are those that are passed on to us from people around us (friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc).
I know you know this, because you have done it yourself, but did you realize that people watch people? And as they watch, they make judgments: “I would never do that”, “They should know better”, “If I were in their situation I would…”, “I am too smart to ever let myself get into that situation”. You know what I am talking about. You have said those things about others and guess what? They have said those same things about you!
And then we each come to a place in life where we want to please the people around us. We want them to be happy with us as persons and impressed by our performance and achievements. And so we attempt to discern (guess?) what their unspoken judgments and expectations are about us. And then we try to shape our responses and our lives in order to gain the approval of men.
There often is much to be learned from other people. Proverbs is full of admonition to heed the words of the wise and avoid the folly of self-sufficiency. And yet the reality is that if we were to do all that everyone else thinks we could or should be doing it would not only be foolish but actually deadly to a person’s relational, emotional and spiritual life. We may need to come to a point of growth and maturity where we are aware of what others think/say about us (even Jesus asked “Who do they say that I am”) but then move on to a place where we value the input of certain godly and wise people (Jesus asked his disciples: “Who do you say that I am?”) but ultimately put all of our faith and trust in God (“Jesus did not entrust himself to men because he knew what was in a man”).
I am not sure how on a daily basis to
- learn from constructive criticism,
- discern and reject other people’s judgments who don’t know God’s call and direction in our lives, and finally
- live to please the Lord and not men,
but that is something I am working on, studying the Word on and praying about. I pray that God would give me His wisdom regarding expectations and obedient living.
Pastor Michael Johnson 